How Do I Talk to My Teen About Porn?

Talking about porn can make even the most confident parent freeze up. You might worry about saying the wrong thing, or feel unsure what’s “normal.” The truth is, most teens will come across pornography online long before they’re emotionally ready for it—and your calm, caring presence matters more than any perfect script.

And if you think “my teen would never…” I’m going to hold your hand when I remind you of what you might have been using your phone for at the same age if you had one. Trust me, they’re going to see it.

You don’t need to have all the answers. You just need to stay curious, grounded, and open to hearing what your teen already knows. Here are seven things to help you have that conversation with care.

7 tips to talk to your teen about porn

1.       Start from curiosity, not panic

Take a deep breath before jumping in. Ask what they’ve seen or heard and how it made them feel. Listening first builds trust and lets you correct myths gently later.

2.       Focus on values, not fear

Rather than warning that “porn is bad,” share your family’s values about respect, consent, and emotional connection. Teens remember values more than lectures.

3.       Normalize curiosity

Let them know it’s human to be curious about bodies and relationships. The goal isn’t to shame their interest but to help them understand what’s real versus performative.

4.       Talk about what porn gets wrong

Explain that most porn is created for entertainment. Real life is not going to look the same because we don’t have fancy lights or cameras. Porn often skips consent, safer sex barriers, and emotional safety—things that most of us need to feel good in getting sexy with someone.

5.       Emphasize consent and communication

Use porn as a doorway to bigger conversations: How do we know someone wants to participate? How can we talk about boundaries? Keep it about respect, not restriction.

6.       Discuss privacy and digital footprints

Remind them that viewing or sharing explicit material can have consequences, especially if it involves peers or under-18 content. They don’t need fear—just clear information.

7.       Keep the door open

End with an invitation: “Feminist or ethical porn takes the actors into consideration. If you ever see something confusing or upsetting, you can always talk to me.” One calm talk builds the bridge for future ones.

Helpful resource

ThePConversation.org/family A thoughtful, research-backed guide that helps parents talk about pornography and online sexual content using curiosity, empathy, and clear values instead of fear.

TL;DR

Stay calm, lead with curiosity, share your values, and keep the conversation open. You don’t need to protect your teen from curiosity—you just need to help them think critically about what they see.

Work with Auntie Julia

Need personalized help having these conversations at home? Book a parent coaching session with Auntie Julia. Together we’ll build your confidence and communication skills.